Global Warming Heats Up World Champs.
St. Moritz, Switzerland - An unusually warm summer in St. Moritz, Switzerland has turned the onetime "winter wonderland" into a hotbed of concern for the FIBT. An official statement received today read as follows...
"We, the people of the FIBT, do hereby decree that World Championships may be delayed due to unseasonably warm weather, an unfinished track, and the failure of the United States to sign the Kyoto Protocol."
Pictures from the site show a partially constructed track, with melting corners and half-frozen straights. Ironically, the only curve fully completed at this time is "Sunny".
As expected, the FIBT offered several possible solutions, including a one curve race, or a 'Cresta World Championship'. However, the necessary 100 Million dollars required to join the St. Moritz Tobogganing Club could only be paid by team Canada. A small nations protest concluded "They've won enough stuff already".
Thankfully, it appears the race will indeed be held as scheduled, thanks in part to a large shipment of ice imported from the polar caps. "We are grateful that this large chunk of ice broke off the cap" A track spokesman told us, "and let's be serious, do we really need an ice cap anyway?"
Although it seems disaster has been averted this time, the long-term effects of global warming have yet to be explored within the skeleton community. SliderGuide spoke to a US government official, who gave us this piece of advice. "There is a better solution to this problem. Just vote Republican, and it magically disappears."
If that is indeed the case, SliderGuide says "Here's to Jeb Bush in 2008".
Post a Comment! - This entry has 7 Comments.
Keith Loach
100 million? You think Canadian skeleton athletes have that much money? Well, the athletes don't, but our federation does. We only get an annual salary of $60,000 to compete for 3 months. Hardly enough to join the Glander/Wrottesely led St. Moritz club! Sigh....such is the life of an amateur athlete...
Kyle Tress
HAHA. Our federation makes me pay 60,000 for 3 months, which seems odd since it should only cost me about 5k. Someone's gotta pay for the lap dances for the big guy, I guess.
Stokes
If we would just invite Greenland to join the tour we could move all the tracks over there!
Keith Loach
Sorry, did I say $60,000? I forgot a zero, I ment $600,000. Damnit...where did it all go???
Kyle Tress
You probably spent it on that bon jovi haircut
Keith Loach
To look like Master Jovi, one must GROW hair, not cut it. Keep the faith, live on a prayer.
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Kyle Tress
Caleb, anything you would like to add to this shocking, yet informative, article?