SliderGuide

SliderGuide.com, the popular skeleton community site adored by tens of fans, was admitted to an Adirondack hospital on Saturday night following a brutal attack by an unknown assailant. The attacker, believed to be approximately 7 years old and from the Netherlands, is still at large.

Witnesses say words were exchanged between the two parties, resulting in a noogie, a wet willy, and a downright immature, potentially life threatening atomic wedgie. Despite being in critical condition, SliderGuide is concious and - as one doctor told us - attempting to "grope female nurses". We were able to make contact with the site's next-of-kin, mediocre skeleton athlete Kyle Tress. Tress told us the site was 'progressing well"but that it will be a "rough few months ahead". A statement will be made on SliderGuide's behalf in the next few days. Until then, just chill out.